i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
