you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
