i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
