I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
