i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
