smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
