if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
