My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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