allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
