Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
