I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
