I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
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That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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