I looked at my own cervix.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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