I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You made out with two different species that night
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
