I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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