She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
