why didn't you poke me back
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize