I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
