one word: firstdatebathroomanal
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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