seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
