I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
