I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Terrible idea I love it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
