kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
