i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
