I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
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there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
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Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize