I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
