I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
