For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
