Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
