She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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