we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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