its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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