Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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