my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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