Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Drake has all the answers
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
