Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
