I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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