There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
