I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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