garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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