Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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