So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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