Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
