I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
