drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
