She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
