??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
