He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
