T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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