You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
