shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
