does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
