I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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