alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
