The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
