it hurts more in the daytime
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize