Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
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Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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