He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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