then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
